Archive for broken dreams

TRAPPED IN PARADISE

Posted in Jones' Poems with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 3, 2023 by tiltdiary

As the streets are frozen over with mirror like ice

Oh childhood dream, oh Christmas tree

My soul so longs to be set free

The freezing wind blows past my ears

I feel like an injured, lonely deer

Oh childhood dream

The reality seems mean

Oh Christmas tree

Where are the lights to warm me

A dream turns into a frozen trap

A smile is hidden under my wool cap

Or is it just a lonely frown

A sad face of the desperate clown

Oh childhood dream, of Christmas tree

I miss me and what I wanted to be

Oh New Years wish

Another hope, another dream

Oh childhood pattern, or Christmas chatter

I hope and long

For something safe and warm

Jonesing for more? http://www.amazon.com/dp/1257802860/ref=dra_a_rv_ss_ho_it_P1400_1000?tag=dradis-20Or watch http://vimeo.com/59749732 or click on https://www.amazon.com/author/aajones

SUMMER HEAT

Posted in Jones' Poems with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 4, 2021 by tiltdiary

Summertime came way to quick

As the air feels sticky and thick

Memories of previous summers appear

Carefree without any fear

Bathing in the Croatian sea

Hounds instead I take to the low tide lake

The glistening of the sun them irritate

Sea monsters and water snakes they hunt

From excitement my Winslow grunts

Life is different but I’ve found my way

To forget my pain and heart’s decay

Oh needle tree

Oh set me free

I squint my eyes and all I see

Soft paws sinking in the sand they look up at me

And smile in bliss

I know not much time is left till there will be another painful goodbye kiss

Jonesing for more? http://www.amazon.com/dp/1257802860/ref=dra_a_rv_ss_ho_it_P1400_1000?tag=dradis-20Or watch http://vimeo.com/59749732 or click on https://www.amazon.com/author/aajones

CIRCUMSTANTIAL CHANGE

Posted in Pole Puppies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 8, 2020 by tiltdiary

Sometimes in life you face circumstantial change. It seems everything has been stripped away from you, and you have lost most of what defined you. Your hopes and dreams puffed up in a cloud like a hot air ballon that bursts in the middle of its flight. The things you used to do to provide for your family have been stripped away just like you stripped your clothes off in the strip club, except it wasn’t skillful, or sexy, nor sensual. It just disappeared, and you’re thrown into a new reality. You feel there’s no way you’ll be able to survive and provide for your loved ones nor will you be able to continue your legacy. But somehow you carry on. You become the slave of daily chores and taking care of who and what is left to take care of. In all of this, in this seemingly devastating new reality you recognize something like peace. There’s no place to rush to anymore, no filled calendar to fulfill. You’re just there to make it work, and you’re humbled into the small things that seemed so insignificant, yet they are so important like wiping butts and snotty snouts, changing their water and figuring out how to still provide them with the food and care they deserve. Life has become simple yet not easy. And there’s always one more chore to do, one more mouth with teeth to brush, one more paw to oil with soothing ointment before you fall asleep exhausted.

Jonesing for more? http://www.amazon.com/dp/1257802860/ref=dra_a_rv_ss_ho_it_P1400_1000?tag=dradis-20Or watch http://vimeo.com/59749732
Or click on https://www.amazon.com/author/aajones

HOW A STRIPPER TRAINS DURING COVID-19

Posted in Stripper Secrets with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 31, 2020 by tiltdiary

I used to drill tricks, work on technique and safety when I would train exotic and pole dance in my studio to then bring it to the club. The club was performance time. From 8pm to 2 am in the morning the game was on. I would bring to the stage what I had drilled and trained in my studio to express my feelings and move people. Today, the part of the 8pm to 2am artful expression doesn’t exist anymore. I have no audience, or at least, I cannot feel or see my audience.

Training has changed. I still drill tricks, try to improve my technique and expand my repertoire on moves. These are my official training days. Sometimes, I get carried away during training, and I burn all my energy and stamina and start dancing. It’s like an unfulfilled purpose you have, a pimple that must pop, and an outlet you must find. Because performing is part of my nature and meaning of life. The videos you see me posting aren’t actually videos I plan on dancing. I record myself in training so I can see what I can improve and what I need to change. The dance happens. It bursts out, and I post these videos because they are memories and mourning at the same time. Mourning for a lost meaning. A broken dream from a little girl who always knew she would dance and act to bring people to life with her passion. Those days are gone …

Jonesing for more? http://www.amazon.com/dp/1257802860/ref=dra_a_rv_ss_ho_it_P1400_1000?tag=dradis-20Or watch http://vimeo.com/59749732
Or click on https://www.amazon.com/author/aajones

THE BIRTH OF A STRIPPER’S HUFFPOST PERSONAL (EPISODE6)

Posted in Media with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 2, 2020 by tiltdiary

Although, HuffPost Personal did not workout for me I have to hold on to my faith and continue to believe that it was for my higher good, just like it was, when the California law basically threw my out of a profession I love dearly, a profession that has taught me so much. I am holding on to faith and am convinced that something better is out there for me.

El Fin

Jonesing for more? http://www.amazon.com/dp/1257802860/ref=dra_a_rv_ss_ho_it_P1400_1000?tag=dradis-20
Or watch http://vimeo.com/59749732
Or click on https://www.amazon.com/author/aajones

THE BIRTH OF A STRIPPER’S HUFFPOST PERSONAL (EPISODE3)

Posted in Media with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 30, 2020 by tiltdiary

I had sent my pitch to HuffPost Personal on October 1st, 2019 at 9:47am and within minutes at 9:52am the Editorial Director responded requesting a draft of my full story to see if it would be a fit for HuffPost Personal. He sent along some general guidelines (word count/style/format) and some example articles that he had already accepted and published.
We went back to the drawing board, and I started writing. Most of the segments I have published came to me on dog walks with tiny typing on my phone making sure my feelings, personal experiences, emotions and everything I wanted to share with the world would be captured in this article. Within less than  three days on October 3rd, 2019 the full article was born and submitted at 8:48am. And once more, very quickly on October, 4th 2019 at 6:46am I received an email from the Editorial Director accepting my article and promising to publish it after a few edits. The new deadline was set for October 14th. I was suppose to nudge him to remind him about my piece.
So I did, but the Editorial Director kept postponing the date to publish. First, his assistant editor fell ill. Then one of his family members was ill. He kept asking me to nudge him over and over which I did, but it seemed all a little strange to be honest. No contract was ever sent to me. Just promises in emails. December came and after another nudge he promised to publish early in January. But edits never came … although, he did mention he would “…definitely need photos…” There was a lot of nudging from my end and a lot of promises on his, but then Covid-19 was declared a National Emergency on March 13th 2020. And of course, the Editorial Editor apologized, “I’m sorry that your piece slipped through the cracks. It was completely my fault and I owe you a huge apology. After this whole coronavirus nightmare is over, let’s talk again and see if there’s something else we can do instead. In the meantime — I’m sending you the best thoughts and hope you’re staying as safe and sane and healthy as possible. xx.”

That was a big bummer. I do belief that my article could’ve easily been edited to fit the covid-19 pandemic — after all, California Supreme Court throwing me out of stripping was in the end a blessing. Who knows, maybe if I would’ve not quit when I quit I might’ve contracted covid-19 and be dead by now.

So you’re probably wondering why I’m even wasting my breath on this mini series. Here is why: I know nobody gives a damn about the California law anymore and how it affects strippers. Nobody gave a damn back then, and nobody even gives a damn right now that almost all strippers (expect the ones that are stripping virtually) are out of work. And that is why my article is still timely. It’s about us women who are literally forgotten. Whether it’s a law or a deadly virus, nobody really gives a shit about us strippers and what we do with our money, how we made a difference, saved lives, and fed our families (fury or not).

And therefore I choose to at least publish my own article, because in my opinion, it’s damn good …

Stay tuned … to be continued …

Jonesing for more? http://www.amazon.com/dp/1257802860/ref=dra_a_rv_ss_ho_it_P1400_1000?tag=dradis-20
Or watch http://vimeo.com/59749732
Or click on https://www.amazon.com/author/aajones