Archive for Fear of Commitment

SOMETIMES, ACCEPTANCE IS THE BEST MEDICINE FOR A DESPICABLE PERSON

Posted in Customers, Family Events & Celebrations, Jones' wisdom with tags , , , , , , on March 31, 2018 by tiltdiary

I have noticed that it is human nature to long for admiration despite being despicable. I am sure at some point in your life you had a lover who started sabotaging the relationship just when things seemed too good to be true. Often, we label this behavior as fear to commit. However, sometimes I find it to be wanting to be loved for who they are at their worst. The same happens with family gatherings, holiday celebrations, and even weekend getaways. Have you noticed there’s always someone ruining it or making things difficult. Often, that someone seeks attention and only knows how to get it with negative behavior. Often, this person wants proof that they are still loved despite behaving like a monster.
Same thing applies for despicable strip club customers. Many want to be assured that we love them no matter what. And we do. There’s a girl for every guy, even for the most despicable ones. In the club, we don’t try to change people. We take them for who they are. We understand change happens on a deep energetic and spiritual level and most aren’t ready for it. Sometimes acceptance is the best medicine for a despicable person.

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WHY MEN HAVE A HARD TIME EXPRESSING THEIR FEELINGS

Posted in Jones' wisdom with tags , , , on May 27, 2017 by tiltdiary

Mr. StripperSense had said something very interesting about men, “Maybe ‘maybe’ really means yes to some men. Perhaps some men think ‘maybe’ comes across like hard to get. Some guys make it too complicated and tie themselves up in knots.” And I think he’s onto something. However, the strip club shouldn’t be the place to complicate it. It should be a straight forward place where games and hard to get shenanigans aren’t necessary. But it seems, even in the strip club it takes courage for a man to admit when he’s into a girl. Maybe because what he’s most afraid of  is commitment. With just a maybe he’s keeping his options open.

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WHEN A MAN DOES ‘THE RIGHT THING’

Posted in Customers with tags , , , , , , , on February 3, 2017 by tiltdiary

My young admirer asked me, “Do you really think all men are equal in terms of relations with others? I would like to know for my own, personal development.” I told him what I think is true, “I believe the majority men want to do ‘the right thing’ — which is mostly determined by their upbringing. In our culture exactly that is usually the cause of conflicts. How can you stay true to doing the right thing when a man’s biggest fear is commitment, losing his freedom, and being stuck with one woman? Being a husband or even good boyfriend burdens men with many responsibilities which goes against a man’s genetics.”
This is a big topic. I see men of all ages being torn about what they want to do and what they should do. They lie to cover up their secret desires and urges. They think if they camouflage their true nature it won’t be so bad, yet, that exactly makes it worse. Rarely do I meet a man who has the balls to admit his demons. ‘Doing the right thing’ seems to be ingrained into their DNA maybe through their mothers and how they raised their sons. When they think they do the right thing and hide the wrong thing, then that is when they do the most damage. It is time for men to liberate, get to know themselves, look inward, and admit their fear. But I don’t think men are ready yet. Only women could trigger that change, but women haven’t discovered their full power yet.

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MEN GET BETTER WHILE WOMEN GET OLDER

Posted in Jones' wisdom with tags , , , , , , , , , on April 11, 2016 by tiltdiary

Often, I wonder what this American saying really means. And then, one day, it fell like scales from my eyes (now that is a German saying) what this could possibly mean, since I do not believe that aging means we lose on value or lose anything.
But here is what I have observed about myself over many years working in the strip club. I tend to choose older customers over the young boys. When I say older, I mean the customer in his late thirties and up. I enjoy conversations with this type much more than with the younger male. I have also noticed, whether married or not, the older customer is usually more respectful and appreciative of women. I have also observed through countless conversations that the average male approaching 40s is not that much afraid of commitment anymore. Au contrary. His existence is more fueled by the fear of being alone in old age. Therefore for he’s more willing to compromise, commit, and relate to a woman. The middle aged man is more willing to put up with even nonsense — that’s why most unhappily married man stay married — to make sure he won’t die alone. He is more willing to be there for a woman and put more effort into multi-tasking and relating, even if it doesn’t make sense to his logical male brain. He’s afraid of what he craved for when he was younger: being independent, free, and not having to care about anything else but his own needs and interests. Therefore the older most men get the more they become what an average, young woman wished and was looking for, her entire life.
However, women are suppose to just get older. What could that possibly mean? Well, most of us spent their life alone whether in a relationship with a man or not. We know a young man’s capability to be there for you is limited, since he cannot multitask and has difficulties expressing his feelings. Therefore most women learn to be independent. By the time they reach their 40s they have built an independent life. Her life is good enough with or without a man. The middle aged woman becomes less interested in compromising and is less tolerant of bullshit. It’s either her way or no way. She is also not interested in sex that much more anymore due to biological changes but also since she’s understood that all the bullshit that comes with sex is often not worth it. He makes a minor mistake and it inconveniences her life she will either punish him (if married) or ditch him. Her life is good enough without a man, she’s used to being alone, she frankly, isn’t that desperate anymore to find “The One.” It’s OK if she doesn’t. She can always get a dog if she doesn’t already have one.
This would mean, that women and men look for the exact opposite at different life stages. And this would explain why dating is so difficult and marriages ends up being just a beneficial organization which helps achieve efficiently the best technical life conditions. But where does this leave love?

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MEN FOR DESSERT

Posted in Jones' wisdom with tags , , , , , , on February 26, 2016 by tiltdiary

Women still look for a partner who would will be the rock in their life, and they want to build their lives around the life of their man. I think many women especially younger than forty are trying to build a life with their significant other, yet, that exactly is what men under forty frightens the most. Fear of commitment has been discussed by many psychologists, and even entire businesses have been build on trying to teach women how to “trick” men into losing their fear of making a choice and committing to her. Women are busier than ever navigating the male brain … they even spend thousand of dollars on entire step by step systems to train the man of their choice into believing that she is the one. Now a days it’s almost as if the women are nervous to propose not knowing if he will reject her. What has happened? What has gone wrong? It seems now a days the flowers chase and visit the bees? It seems all upside down. In trying to build this perfect story book family women seem to have abandoned their power. We are so much more powerful than we were years ago, yet, women have become the chasers. We are now financially independent and most likely, if you are a woman, you have lived on your own for years just fine. You don’t need a man to support you. You don’t even need a man to have children, you can just go to a sperm bank if your clock is running out. Yet, although, there is way more men than women, the female desperation has caused so much pain, suffering, and confusion. I wonder, if things would change if young women could learn early enough that their life partner should be handled like dessert. Meaning, he is not the main course, he is not essential for survival. And of course, there are many choices of dessert. You can go with a delicious, raw vegan, nutritional, sweet treat that will nurture your body and improve your health, or you can pick a decadent, trans fat and sugar filled treat that will deplete your body of important nutrients and even raise your risk for diabetes, heart attack, ages you prematurely, and spoils your otherwise consciously healthy food choices. That kind of dessert will take a toll physically, emotionally (we all know that high sugar insulin roller coaster ride effect), and psychologically. If you ask me for advice. I’d say focus on building your main course. Educate yourself on how to build a healthy, well chosen, happy life style. And if the right dessert comes around, if you can be very sure it’ll not mess with everything you have achieved, take a little bite first to see if it’s really as delicious and well tolerated as you thought it is. Chew thoroughly to discover all flavors in the first bite, maybe refrigerate the rest to make sure the little bite you took agrees with your digestive system, and proceed carefully with the consumption of the rest. Remember, there are many dessert choices out there, and devouring one after the other will only turn you into a fat, unhealthy pig. Eat and indulge slowly, mindfully, and carefully. Because your life does not depend on dessert.

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MEN WHO ARE LOOKING FOR A LIFE PARTNER

Posted in Customers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 6, 2015 by tiltdiary

He visits me at the club to talk to me. In his mid 40s, very handsome, divorced after 14 years of marriage with two kids. We talk about many things: why his marriage didn’t work out, his kids, the American school system, the women he’s dating, relationships in general … Just recently he asked me, “Jones, don’t you have a friend of yours I could date. I am so tired of the dating. It’s not that the ladies don’t like me. But I am looking for a mature woman my age, who I can talk to. A woman who is not afraid of commitment, who wants a real relationship. I want a companion.”

I have had many men confess to me their secret desire of finding a girl that wants to grow old with them. We talk so much about men fearing commitment, yet, I hear so many long for a woman who is willing to commit. Are men changing? Or is it age related? Maybe at some point a man is tired of the hunt, and he desires to settle down. Often, the desire for a companion and a woman who wants to commit comes from men who have previously been married. Maybe they liked the security as much as women supposedly want the security of a stable relationship.

In any case, I do agree that man kind was created to share their life with a partner. We all want companionship.

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WHAT TURNS HIM ON SEEMS TO TURN HER OFF

Posted in Jones' wisdom with tags , , , , , , , , , , on January 12, 2015 by tiltdiary

Men love unpredictable women who cannot make up their mind. When a woman acts scolding hot in one moment, yet, ice cold in another it seems to keep him really on his feet. When she says, she will call him tomorrow but takes three days to get back to him he really gets into chasing mode. When she blows him off last minute he’s eager to get another date set up ASAP. However, if she’s reliable, accountable, and lives up to her word he’s not that much interested. First of all, a reliable woman presents a permanent threat to him and triggers his biggest issue: fear of commitment. And of course, a predictable woman is an easy catch and not much chasing needs to happen in order to win her over. She is easier to read then the one who is unpredictable and changes her mind the way a flag changes direction according to the wind.

However, what turns him on will surely turn her off. Women enjoy security and “the catch me if you can game” doesn’t work for very long. When we see a man cannot hold his word and doesn’t live up to his promises we frankly get bored. If you like someone a lot you go through a hurting phase first, but eventually, sooner than later, the hurt will be replaced with boredom, because men who cannot commit are actually very predictable, and their motives sometimes trigger big chuckles in emotionally mature women.

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