Archive for the Customers Category

APOLOGIZING FOR NOT VISITING THE STRIP CLUB

Posted in Customers with tags , , , , on January 11, 2018 by tiltdiary

Most men don’t hold their promises. When they say they will come back to visit you at the strip club next week again they most won’t. They probably forget, and it’s not a big deal … whatever … you’re used to it. And you don’t take it personal.
But then there’s the customers who you do build a relationship with, and they are more than just a one time visitor. Some of them tend to find excuses when they cannot come to visit. It is sweet to send a message and say, “Hey, can’t make it today.” But if you start listing one excuse after the other why you cannot visit, cut it out. Fact is, unless you’re sick and contagious, something else is more important, whether it’s catching up on sleep, or the bank was closed, or you’re afraid of catching the flu, or ran out of toilet paper … it’s OK. Remember, the strip club is a playground … no obligation, no harm if don’t want to come in. You are important to me, but when I feel like I’ve become the wife you’re justifying to why you had an affair … then it’s too much.

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SULKING LAWYER AT THE STRIP CLUB

Posted in Customers with tags , , , , on January 8, 2018 by tiltdiary

He waived at me when I was on stage, tipped me a dollar … then waved me over again when I was done with my performance. I thought maybe he wants to do a private dance. A one dollar tip doesn’t really make me feel like the guy is truly into me. Nor that he would even want to spend the money on a private dance and usually my intuition is right. But I went over there for a brief chat, I thought maybe I shouldn’t be so judgemental. And he did want to chat. The words tumbled out of his mouth like a waterfall. With guys like that you need to be careful. They want to chew your ear off for free — they expect free therapy. He told me he was a lawyer blah blah blah … I quickly interrupted and cut straight to the chase, “Hey, let me know if you want a private dance.” Him almost as if lightening struck him, “I’m OK. I am just hanging out with my friends.” Me, “I thought so.” Him, “No you didn’t.” Me, “Oh, yes I did. You haven’t tipped any of the dancers on stage and gave me one dollar. I knew right away you’re cheap. It’s pretty obvious.” Him upset and denying, “That’s not true. I tipped all the dancers …” Great a cheap lawyer, and when he hears the truth he’s defending himself as if he’s in a court case with a twelve person jury.

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HOW THE STRIP CLUB HELPS YOU KEEP YOUR FAITH IN EVOLUTION

Posted in Customers with tags , , , , , , , , on January 6, 2018 by tiltdiary

I could see he was mesmerized by most of the dancers. His eyes followed carefully the dancer on stage and rarely did he turn away and not look. He tipped well, very well, but it wasn’t that he just tipped for our performance. There was something else. Then he asked me to go to the private dance area, and he said, “Would it be OK if I just talk to you first and then decide whether we will do private dances or not. I will pay you for your time as the songs go, just as if we would be dancing.” I agreed. That was interesting.
So we talked in private. About this and that, politics, travel, work, marriage, love, relationships, and finally, about humanity in general. And this is where the mysterious man lifted his reason for visiting the strip club, “I am an observer and admirer of the female form, but it’s getting more and more difficult to believe in humanity. I meet many people, men, women as well as kids on a daily basis, but what strikes me more and more is that humanity is getting more unattractive, unhealthy, out of shape, and stupid. When I am just about to lose my faith in evolution I come to visit this club. Most of the girls that work here are gorgeous, some even smart. It helps me keep my faith in evolution.” And then we danced …

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HOW LIFE TRICKS YOU INTO ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER

Posted in Customers with tags , , , , on December 27, 2017 by tiltdiary

He thought he had it all figured out and proudly presented me with his conclusion, “I always dated girls with eating disorders. They were troubled and often very mean to me. I have been through anorexia, bulimia, and everything in between over and over. And I always wondered why I picked these kind of women. But then, one day, it dawned to me. It wasn’t that I picked them … they picked me … because I am their Arnold Schwarzenegger who they could lean on …” He was so content with this story that his mind had crafted in order to get out of taking responsibility for his own choices and actions that I didn’t even wanted to say anything, not even when I heard he had two daughters with one of his bulimic women and was married to her while both daughters are struggling with eating disorders themselves. Sometimes, it’s best to let people sit in their delusion, and that is the only illusion that happens in the strip club: the one they create themselves! So I pursed my lips at the haggard, tall, frumpy Arnold Schwarzenegger and nodded my head in disbelieve.

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LAP DANCE WHISTLER

Posted in Customers with tags , , , on December 22, 2017 by tiltdiary

He was obviously very insecure out this dance. A very geeky man in his forties, not very good expressing himself verbally, and not very good with the ladies in general. Sometimes, a man feels so uncomfortable getting a lap dance you wonder why he wants to keep going. And I wondered why he kept me dancing for him as he was twitching in his seat, till then finally, he started whistling to the song that was playing. Not just a little whistle, but like he was in a whistling contest … I was giving him the private show but in truth I was getting a show in return, a freak show rather … A whistle lap dancer whistling for his life …
In my long career as a stripper I have come across many strange birds, but a lap dance whistler is my first. I wonder if he whistles while he’s trying to make to love a girl. But hey, it could’ve been worse. What if he was trying to be an opera singer …

 

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MY WIFE AND I ARE GOOD LIKE THIS

Posted in Customers with tags , , , , , , , on December 19, 2017 by tiltdiary

A group of friendly looking guys walk into the club, two women with them. One of them approaches me and tells me that it is his friend’s birthday. I recognize the birthday boy … I have danced for him before. I say to the birthday party organizer, “Then you should buy your friends a birthday dance.” Him very open minded and generous, “I’d say, I should buy him at least 5 dances.” I see a woman next to the birthday boy. It’s very clear that she’s his, or better said birthday boy is hers. I ask the nice man who seems to be in charge of the birthday party, “Is this the birthday boy’s girlfriend?” Him hesitant, “Well, I would rather call her his wife.” I say, “OK, I think it’s not a good idea to buy birthday boy dances. It would get him into serious trouble.” Him, “Oh, I think you’re right. It’s never good to get your friends in trouble. I’ll tell you what, let’s you and I go and do some dances.” Off we go. When we return to the group they have taken a seat at a table and the party is ongoing. Birthday boy peeks at me but doesn’t say a peep. Wife on his ass. As the night goes on they get drunker and at some point the two women disappear. Then birthday boy talks to me, and I tell him, “I have danced for you here before. I remember you.” Him, ” I have come back to look for you but you are never here.” I work very few nights and it is difficult to find me, but he remembers me and brags to his male friends, “We have some memories.” Then he asks me to dance for him. Off we go, one dance after the other, and he keeps yelling out grabbing his own head, “I want you soooo bad … I want you sooooo bad …” Then he asks me if he could take me out for a drink. I explain, “Probably not a good idea since you are married.” Him, “Oh my wife and I are good like that! Can I have your phone number?” Me again, “I don’t think that’s a good idea since you are married.” Him, “Oh my wife and I are good like that. She’s very open minded. You could text me a picture of your tits.” And what would that be good for? But I stay polite and say, “Not such a good idea no matter how open minded your wife appears in your mind in this very moment.” Him continues to try to get me to hook up with him trying to convince me, “My wife and I are good like that!”
It is fascinating to me how a man’s mind can twist reality. Clearly his wife is not at all “good like that.” When she was around he was afraid to even look at me or say hi. Once she’s out of the picture, they are all of a sudden “good like that.” No wife is good like that, no wife wants her man to receive naked pictures from another woman, and no stripper wants to send a married men pictures of her body parts for free. Remember, we get paid to dance for you, this is our business. And while there might be a price to many things and services the wife will never be good like that, and the open minded wife only exists in the head of a drunk, infatuated, sexually neglected husband.

 

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THIS IS NOT CANADA

Posted in Customers with tags , , , , , on December 18, 2017 by tiltdiary

He’s one of the first customers who walks into the club that night. I just started my shift and with not many customers on the floor I think I should see what he has to say. He’s in his late fifties but looks way older. An unhealthy lifestyle and his attitude about life have packed on the years. He has skinny legs and arms, but a huge belly, yup, that typical at heart attack risk gut hanging over the too tight elastic of his shorts. He has money but smells “cheap.” This type is easily identified, he’s a typical troll with that look for a bargain nature and the entitlement stamp all over his forehead. I know he will be rude, most likely a smart ass.
After a quick introduction and him clarifying that he is from Canada — apparently, to him Canadian men are superior — he continues with his troll like attitude. He complains, “I thought this was a fully nude place. Why can’t you take your clothes off?” I politely explain the usual about a bikini bar and so on. Him agitated and unsatisfied, “It’s different in Canada. The girls dance for 12-15 minutes and start taking their clothes off at the beginning of their dance, and at the end, there comes the shower. They are fully nude and take a shower in front of you.” He likes the shower thing, and I explain nicely, “We do not have a shower here on stage nor in the private dances.” Him annoyed and nagging, “How would a lap dance then be different from a stage dance if you cannot take your clothes off?” By this time, I am ready to walk away. I have made my decision that I do not want to give this man a private lap dance, he’s too negative and a hopeless case, a notorious complainer not worth my time or energy, but in general I stay professional and explain, “The private dances are very different from the stage dances. Excuse me, but I need to go on stage now.” He positions himself at the front railing sitting sideways in order to get close to the stage because of his fat gut. He watches every move I make but does not tip me a single dollar. When I get off the stage he wants to talk more and thinks a compliment will keep me entangled in a conversation with him, “You are quiet athletic. Maybe, I will do a private dance later but I am just enjoying the scenery.” Me polite again as I pass him coming off the stage, “Yes, I am. Enjoy the show.” The night gets busy, super busy. The club is packed … it’s one private dance after the other, stage, more private dances. As it comes close to last call for alcohol the Jones line forms at the exist of the lap dance booth. Guys waiting their turn to dance with me. It is fun to work like this and time goes fast. Then there’s last call for alcohol. Then the last dancer, and finally the music shuts down, and I wrap up my last private dance for the night. When I come out of the lap dance booth I see fat Bob with glassy eyes leaned against one of the posts. As I pass him he stops me. I can see his giant belly vibrate up and down. First, I think he’s drunk and chuckling. But then I see he’s crying and whines, “I thought this is like in Canada, that you guys go till 5 a.m. but now they are shutting down. Uhhhuuuu I should’ve snatched you up sooner to do some dances with you.” Yup, he should’ve but me again very polite, “Yes, it’s over now. This is not Canada!” And I leave the angry, crying, mean troll leaned against the post to go and change. I cannot wait to get out of my stilettos, and I am grateful the other deserving men spared me the experience of dancing for a mean, Canadian troll. Life can be good!

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