TENDERNESS AND KINDNESS FOR YOUR SPOUSE 

Like many married men he had come to me for advice in regards to his relationship with his wife. He was in his mid thirties, well educated, wealthy, and it seemed that the world should be at his feet. But he was miserable. He said to me, “This is ridiculous. I am the doctor, yet, I look for healing from you.” I explained,”Most married people are miserable. People don’t marry who they love the most. They marry who hits their nerve the most. It’s a chance to change and recognize it, but most people don’t, and they get stuck in excuses and blaming.” He understood that part, “That’s why I haven’t left her yet. I feel if I don’t work it out with her I will just repeat the same thing in my next relationship.” And he was correct. You get the same lessons over and over till you get it and change.

But what I couldn’t tell him is what I really saw and how he really felt about his wife. In his eyes she was a disgusting, fat pig, and he was repulsed by her. I tried to give him something that he might be able to work on, “Try to find some tenderness for your wife. Stop ridiculing her for her choices. Dig deep in your heart for understanding and compassion.” Most people cannot find even the slightest kindness for their spouse when they have changed over the years into something they didn’t recognize in them when they married them. Yet, just a little compassion and tenderness could bring peace to the house.

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