WHEN CHILDREN RULE THE HOUSEHOLD AND MARRIAGE

Often, parents blame the problems that their kids have for a failing marriage. The challenges their kids face in school, the financial burden, psychological issues, problems socializing, or learning disabilities are weighing on the marriage and are made responsible for the lack of a sex life (parents say they have no time to experience intimacy and sexuality, plus the stress puts a damper on their libido). The kids increase the stress level, and parents seem to be overwhelmed, and therefore, a lack of communication contributes to a failure in connecting to their partner. In my opinion this is complete bullshit. But it’s a good diversion created to mask the real marital issues that would’ve come to the surface sooner than later even if their wouldn’t be kids that these people obviously chose to bare. Instead, I often find something important is overlooked. The underlying relationship issues create the problems that the children face socially and psychologically. Yet, the problem is tackled from the wrong end. The kids are put into the position to rule the household and become in a dysfunctional way the focus and center of attention. Any child put into this position will be overwhelmed and left with responsibilities they cannot possibly fulfill and therefore the problem child arises. Parents miss the point: they should fix their dysfunctional relationship with their adult partner and not partner up with the kids which often leads to alienating the other adult involved. Don’t blame your kids for your own shit. Instead, both spouses should focus on becoming partners and pulling on the same string into the same direction (not the opposite way). Confused, overwhelmed children morph into psychopaths, over-sensitive bullies, retrieve into autism, find peace in drugs, and develop issues that will affect their adulthood continuing the dysfunctional relationship patterns they are given by their parents. Parenting needs to be redefined!

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