I had watched him walk into the club at the beginning of my shift, it was a slow night and not much going on. He was a guy in his mid 30s, average looking, well dress and put together. He took a seat at one of the tables close to the stage where he could see every move that was executed on stage. I noticed he never left his chair and did not tip any of us even a single dollar on stage. None of my co-strippers had approached him to talk to him. After several hours of him sitting glued to his chair I noticed he was getting agitated. I thought, it will be worth my time to talk to him briefly to find out what his story is. His agitation made me curious enough, although, I knew I wouldn’t do lap dances for him. When I sat next to him he smelled clean and pleasant. I noticed his well pressed shirt, fine clothes, and well polished leather shoes. After introducing myself I found out he was visiting LA on business and lives in Miami. He was very nice to talk to, but didn’t wait long enough to reveal what had caused his frustration. He complained in his Cuban accent, “You know, in Miami strip clubs are very different. The girls are nude, and you can drink.” I said, “I understand, every city follows different rules. This is just a bikini bar.” Him finally exposing what really bothered him, “You know, nobody has asked me to do a lap dance. Don’t you guys do dances here.” Me, “Oh yes, we do lap dances here. They are $20 per song.” Him again even more agitated by my explanation, “You know, when I go in Miami to the club all of the girls ask me all the time to do dances with them. Not one of you dancers have asked me to do a dance, not one.” Me not wanting to do a dance for him either, “Yes, we are rather laid back here. We are not very pushy. But if you have a girl you’d like a dance from, I can ask her for you.” Him agitated that I didn’t ask him for a dance, “OK, well what about the blond girl over there.” I walked up to Jenny and said to her, “Hey, this guy wants a dance from you.” Jenny, “Which one?” Me, “The one that’s sitting at the table right next to the stage.” Jenny glancing at him and checking him out, “Ehhhhh I am OK. I don’t think so.” I don’t know why none of us wanted to do a dance for this guy. I have no logical explanation except that our intuition deterred us. Mr. CannotGetaLapDance left fairly frustrated, and I am sure he will never come back to visit my club. I know we strippers rely on our intuition, and although, there’s no logical explanation why nobody wanted to give this guy a lap dance it proves we all pick wisely, and money cannot buy you everything you want. I always say, “There’s a girl for every guy.” But maybe there isn’t.

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