When I step out of the dressing room I see a haggard, skinny man in his 50s lean against the bar watching the stage lewdly. I know right away what he has come for, so I walk up to him, introduce myself to him, and I don’t wait long to pop the question. Now this is a man I will not do a private dance for, however, I can sense he is worth talking to, because he will surely deliver an outrageous enough story worth reporting. So I ask him, “Would you like a private dance?” I can tell he was hoping for me to ask him, but I can also tell he is very cheap (it’s easy to guess this one, because he has not dropped a single dollar to tip any of the dancers who have gone on stage so far). It shoots out of his sloppy mouth like a rusty old bullet out of an outdated rifle, “What do you do in a lap dance?” I act innocently and answer, “Dance.” him again, “I mean, what do I get for my money, I don’t want to waste my money.” It’s always fascinating how well I read humans, and I answer pretending to be stupid, “If you buy a lap dance you get a lap dance, if you buy two lap dances, you get two, and so on.” He must really think I am stupid, “But what do you do during your dance, how does a lap dance work?” I cannot believe how stupid he is while he thinks I am stupid. I know exactly what he wants to hear, because this man didn’t come to the club to watch performers or to get a lap dance. He wants something else, but I say just to fuck with him, “If you don’t know what happens in a lap dance you should really get one.” And with that I walk away.
Later I see he pays PugFace for a private dance. PugFace doesn’t know how to dance on stage nor how to give at least a decent lap dance. Most of the times she pulls a chair in front of the guy and talks to him during her lap dance. But, I think this guy chose the dancer he exactly deserved, and he leaves dissatisfied and will for sure never come back to my club. Which is a good thing. We don’t want cheap and rude guys like him.
Or watch http://vimeo.com/user16450653